So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
