I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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