Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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