I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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