i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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