you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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