I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
