It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
