You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
