i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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You. Win. At. Life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
