i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
don't judge my taste in strippers
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
