Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize