My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
