i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
