there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
