we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
How's work?
Spinning.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
i believe in u and ur pee
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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