Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
