I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize