Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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