She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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