people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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