i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You brought string cheese to the strip club
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
