Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
