So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
