Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
