Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
