he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
