i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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