i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
