I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
