Soap is not a condiment
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
