I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
