Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
