Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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