I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
