I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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