If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
