it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
