Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
