all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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