Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
