but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
