I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
