she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
