What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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