:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
