AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
