alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Someone came in the potted fern
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
