So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
