im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
