Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
