I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize