Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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