remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
