It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
