i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
