I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
