hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
