oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
