I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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