i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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