Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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