one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
