he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think i got beer on your cat.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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